Do you know how you receive love in a way that fills your cup to the brim and overflows? How about your spouse or S.O? Do you know what fills THEIR cup and makes them feel most loved??
This concept, simple yet mind blowing and relationship changing, was something I learned more about in 2016 right before my husband left for his remote tour to Korea.
You see, our marriage was falling apart and with short notice orders, we didn’t have time for counseling like I knew we needed, we didn’t know how counseling would work being a world apart or what our options were. And though he was super hesitant about this “love language” concept, I decided it’s what I needed to do in efforts to mend our marriage.
We took the test (I’ll share the link so you can too along with the book link!) and I won’t lie...it was HARD to give all I had to someone who wasn’t receptive of what I was doing to show him love. And even though it hurt like hell, I knew I had to put my ego aside and do what I knew in my heart I needed to do to save us and keep loving him...for better or worse right?
This concept helped us save our marriage. It helped us understand and know each other with an open mind, without judgement whether what each other wants seems strange or not. Lol!
This concept is called the 5 love languages. If you’re a military family like we are, you want the Military Edition because it goes even further in depth on how you can show your spouse the love they desire even when you’re a world apart.
So let’s chat about this! I’m also going to include a few graphics a friend messaged me one day after talking about this concept in my Insta Stories (just click my profile pic to watch--I give inspo and free stuff all the time there!) and I loved the simplicity of them so I thought I’d pay it forward so you can save it to your phone if you’d like!
I’m not gonna go SUPER in depth about every one, I just want to share the basics and then if this is calling to you, definitely read the book or reply to this email and ask some questions. I’d love to help how I can!
Ok so there’s 5 love languages, meaning there’s 5 main ways that people receive love that make them feel like their “love tank” (as the book calls it) is full. Acts of Service, Quality Time, Words of Affirmation, Receiving Gifts and Physical Touch. We all have a primary and secondary (when you take the test you’re given a number next to each language at the end. Highest to lowest. Your top 2 highest are your primary languages.)
Acts of Service Someone who this is their primary love language feels loved when someone does something for them. It doesn’t always have to be a BIG act of service but can be something simple like running an errand, helping with the kids, doing a chore around the house, cooking dinner, So doing something for your spouse that you know they would like them to do.
Quality Time Someone who’s primary love language is this, loves having time spent together with undivided attention, no distractions. No tv, no phone, no doing chores. Just spending time together. It can also mean sharing activities together.
Words of Affirmation Someone who’s primary love language is words, loves to be lifted up verbally. They love to be praised in a meaningful way, hearing I Love You and WHY you love them too.
Receiving Gifts Someone who’s primary love language is gifts loves to receive gifts that are meaningful. This is not to be mistaken of being materialistic. They are filled up by the thoughtfulness, meaning and effort behind the gift.
Physical Touch If someone’s primary language is physical touch, it’s not necessarily meaning in sex. (Total misconception with this one!) They tend to be touchy in nature. They love hugs, holding hands, thoughtful touches on the arms and pats on the back for example.
So to give you an idea, my husband’s primary love languages are Words of Affirmation and Quality Time. I know with Words, I tell him I love him meaningfully often, I praise his work and give him appreciation. With quality time, for him he really enjoys watching our shows together. Honestly?? That’s not my idea of quality time but it IS for him...so we do it often because it makes him feel loved.
My primary love languages are Acts of Service and Quality Time. Nothing makes yo’ girl happier than having a clean kitchen that I didn’t have to do (lol!). It makes me feel SO loved when my husband cleans the kitchen up for me and helps out with the chores...or takes something off my plate and just does it for me. My Quality Time is different from his though. I want to have meaningful conversation just BEING together without distraction. No phone, no tv...just us.
The secret to this is to not just take the test and know what your love language is but ALSO communicating to your loved ones what this means for you. As you can see from my examples of my husband and I, our ideas of what we love for Quality Time are different. But when we took the test, we thought about what it meant to us and shared with each other 3-5 ideas of what we would like in our top 2 categories.
Fun fact...Kids can take this test too. Knowing what love language your kids are is so helpful!
Here’s the images for each love language:
Be sure to comment below or shoot me a DM on Instagram and tell me...what’s your primary love language? What are your favorite ways to receive love?